


Umarekawattemo, dakishimete ne (Hold me tight when we'll be reborn)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Demons, Falling In Love, M/M, Obsession, Sad Ending, Secrets, Sex, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 08:23:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15263349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: He would've never thought he would've ended up in a situation like this.He was ready to welcome his fate, ready as he had never been, and he didn’t care about what he was going to leave behind, only about what laid in front of him.Who was in front of him.If it had that face, death itself could become a nice perspective.





	Umarekawattemo, dakishimete ne (Hold me tight when we'll be reborn)

_He would've never thought he would've ended up in a situation like this._

_He was ready to welcome his fate, ready as he had never been, and he didn’t care about what he was going to leave behind, only about what laid in front of him._

Who _was in front of him._

_If it had that face, death itself could become a nice perspective._

~

 

“Kei, for the love of god, can you please pay some attention to what I'm telling you?”

Yuya looked annoyed while watching Kei, who seemed lost in who knew what kind of thoughts.

The younger came back to his senses at the reproach, and smiled.

“Forgive me, Yuuyan. I was just thinking about a test I have to take next week. But I was listening! You were telling me about Yuri, right?” he asked, hoping that the other wasn’t going to notice that, actually, he wasn’t listening at all.

Takaki rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“I was telling you about the English text, but don’t worry, Kei-chan, just keep following the train of your thoughts.” he mocked him, without been really angry for the lack of attention from the younger.

Inoo was about to reply, when from the other side of the table Daiki raised his head, snorting.

“We’re in a library. And someone’s here because they actually want to study, instead of _talking_ about classes they know nothing about.” he arched an eyebrow toward Yuya, who grimaced.

Kei chuckled and bowed his head.

“I'm sorry, Dai-chan. On the other hand, I was quietly thinking about my things. It’s Yuuyan the one who started it.”

The eldest looked at them, unsure as to whom he should've answered; in the end, anyway, he seemed to give up and stood up, gathering his stuff.

“You’re really a nuisance when you want to, guys.” he commented, crossing his arms. “I’ll get going… see you this afternoon. I'm having lunch with Yuri.” he added, smirking, and then he left.

Kei looked at him going, shaking his head.

Yes, he was distracted, but he wasn’t thinking about tests, exams and whatnot.

He had been having an obsession for weeks, the thought grown to be more and more intense, to the point of being the only thing in his mind.

Yabu Kota.

That semester he and Daiki had started attending the class of History of Western Thought for the third year students, and from day one Kei had been curious about the professor.

He liked to hear him talk; when he exposed something he felt like he was being thrown in an another world, and it didn’t matter what he was saying, it always managed to fascinate him.

There was something in his voice and the way he talked which made Kei feel good, at ease, a feeling which he wouldn’t have known how to put into words.

He had tried to talk about it with Daiki, but the younger had just told him that despite the young age – he couldn’t be over thirty – he looked competent, but nothing more than that.

Realized he was the only one to find something peculiar in that man, Kei had avoided talking about him in presence of others.

A few days before those feelings, so pleasant at first, had turned into something slightly different, and he had felt confused by that sudden change.

When he looked at Yabu he saw he was talking to the whole class, but he had the feeling that he was actually watching him.

That too, he couldn’t explain. Nor he would've bothered trying, just to hear he had been obsessed by that man since the moment he had seen him, and that he had started imagining stuff.

But he hadn't. The man’s attitude toward him had changed, he was sure of it, and in a way that wasn’t always pleasant.

On the contrary, it had often happened during class to feel a cold shiver down his spine, as if he truly felt watched.

Was it because he paid a certain attention to him or not, Kei was sure that Yabu Kota had noticed him, that he constantly looked at him, as if in the middle of that infinite stream of words he used for all the others he was trying to say something specifically to him.

He raised his eyes from the book he had been pretending to read for a while, and he looked at Daiki.

He considered for a moment the hypothesis of saying something to him, but he gave up.

He wasn’t in the mood to be called crazy.

He slowly pushed the chair back and nodded toward him, saying that he was going to see him at lunch.

He got out of the library, heading toward the quad.

He needed some air, to have his mind clear enough to be able to think.

And still, as much as he tried, Yabu Kota kept being a question at the centre of his thoughts.

 

~

 

_“...and it’s only during Renaissance that we find a sort of revival of Neoplatonism and of parts of the Aristotelian concepts. Furthermore, during the fifteenth century we can see how...”_

The professor kept talking, but those words were a mere background to his thoughts and to a game of glances which he still was sure he wasn’t imagining.

Daiki, sitting next to him, unwillingly wrote down notes, and from time to time he tried in vain to tell him to follow.

Kei kept looking at Yabu, taking mental notes not of the lecture, but of the tone of his voice, not of the western philosophy, but about his movements, how his expressions changed based on what he was saying.

Kei couldn’t stop, no matter how hard he tried. And he didn’t stop feeling those eyes on him, and to be both freaked out and attracted by that detail.

When Yabu told them that the lecture was over and that they could leave, Kei turned toward Daiki, sucking in his lips.

“You can go to the cafeteria. I... I’ll be right after you, I have to ask something to the professor.” he said, trying to look calm.

Arioka arched an eyebrow, not at all convinced, but after a few more seconds of hesitation he nodded, grabbing his things and leaving.

Kei didn’t know what he was going to say.

He just knew he felt attracted by him like from a siren’s call, that he couldn’t help wanting to be close to him, whatever it was he wanted to tell him.

He wished he could've asked the reason behind those glances, but he was sure he didn’t have the courage to actually do that.

He had gotten to his desk with the best possible intentions, but when the professor raised his eyes on him it was like they pierced him from part to part, making him feel naked to them.

All his good propositions went up in smoke.

“Sensei, I'm sorry, but I didn’t really understand the Cartesian apophatic theology. Could you please explain it to me one more time?” he asked, low, almost stuttering, and cursing himself for not having been able to sound more detached.

On his part, the man smiled, almost smug.

“You would've understood that if you had paid attention to the lecture, Inoo-san, instead of spending the past hour staring at me.” he mocked him, arching an eyebrow.

Kei blushed violently, ready to deny, but the other didn’t give him time.

“Let’s meet tomorrow afternoon in my office, so that I can explain what you didn’t grasp today.” he told him, gathering his stuff and joining him on the other side of the desk.

He leant toward him, leaving mere inches between them. “But you shall see it doesn’t happen again, alright?” he added, murmuring, before leaving the room.

Kei wanted to leave as well.

He wanted to follow him, see where he was going, he wanted to...

He wasn’t going to be able to do anything.

He kept still like that, still shivering for having had him so _damn_ close.

 

~

 

He nervously tapped his foot on the ground, playing with the karage in his bento, having no intention to eat it.

He had been staring at his lunch for a while now, oblivious to what was happening around him, his mind fixated on the fact that in a while he was going to be alone with Yabu, in his office.

He still didn’t know if he liked that or not.

“Are you eating that?” Yamada asked all of a sudden, and without waiting for his reply he stretched his arm, reached with the chopstick inside his bento and grabbed the karage, smiling, as if he didn’t want to be told no.

“It’s all yours.” Kei murmured, handing the whole thing to him to have him eat whatever he pleased.

He had lost his appetite anyway.

Daiki hit his boyfriend’s nape, shaking his head and scolding him for his complete lack of dignity in front of food.

Inoo barely smiled, too nervous to be taken by the table’s atmosphere.

While the others were still talking, or mocking Yamada, Kei felt Yuya poke his hip.

“Are you thinking about the professor?” he asked, frowning.

Kei held his breath and tried to quickly think about an answer.

He didn’t like the reason behind his anxiety to be so obvious.

“No, not at all. On the contrary, it bothers me having to waste time going to his office. He could've very well told me what parts I should’ve reviewed instead to fix an appointment for today, right Dai-chan?” he asked to the younger, look for help that didn’t arrive.

Daiki averted his attention from his boyfriend momentarily, scrutinizing his friend.

“But it’s also true that you could've avoided telling him altogether and borrowed my notes, since I’ve actually listened to the lecture.” he pointed out, grinning.

Kei blushed, clicking his tongue.

“Whatever.” he muttered, ignoring the others teasing him.

He grabbed his back, definitely abandoning his lunch with Ryosuke and heading outside the cafeteria.

“Good luck, Kei-chan!” he heard Yuya tell, mocking, while he got away.

And he didn’t even take that as a joke, because right now he felt he really needed the encouragement.

 

~

 

“Come in.”

Yabu’s voice sounded relaxed when he asked him to get inside, and it seemed to be enough for Kei to feel less nervous than he had before knocking.

He stepped into the office, forcing a smile on his face.

“Good morning, professor.” he murmured, bowing his head a little and slowly walking toward his desk.

“Good morning, Inoo-san.” the elder replied, and Kei couldn’t help but noticing a hint of irony in his voice, but he didn’t know how to explain that. “Sit.” he asked then, pointing at the chair in front of him.

The younger nodded, quickly looking around.

He had a pretty decent idea as to how the teacher’s office might’ve looked, and it couldn’t have been farther from reality.

He had imagined a pale light, the walls painted in cold nuances and little to nothing on them.

Seeing the big window which let in the sunlight, the white walls and the bookshelves, desk and chairs carved in dark wood, he almost felt like laughing for how far his imagination had been from reality.

But he stayed serious, raising his eyes on the professor and waiting.

“So, Inoo-san.” he said, getting closer to the desk and staring straight into his eyes. “Is there something you wish to talk to me about?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.

Kei was surprised by the question; he was expecting for the professor to talk to him about the lecture, or for him to scold him one more time for not having paid attention.

For sure, he wasn’t expecting a question like that.

“N-no, professor. I’ve got nothing to tell you.” he replied, hesitating, while the other kept looking at him, curious, with that half smile which hadn't left his face since the moment he had come in.

Yabu got up from the desk, walking around it and sitting on it, in front of the younger.

He leant over, and once again their faces were too damn close, and again Kei felt he could've passed out for having him at hand’s reach.

“I believe you’re lying, Inoo-san.” the teacher murmured, bringing a hand behind his neck in a soft caress. “You’re too nervous for someone who’s got nothing to ask.” he pointed out, laughing softly and lingering in that position for a few moments, before straightening up and starting to walk around the room. “Descartes, right?” he asked then, pretending that nothing had happened.

Kei nodded and the other started explaining again what he had said in class.

And once again he didn’t listen, because once again he had confused him, sending him to some place far from that reality, letting his mind wander to lands he didn’t really want to visit.

He couldn’t say how long it had been since he had started talking, but he barely noticed when he stopped.

“Inoo, Inoo, Inoo.” he chanted, going back to lean against the desk. “Isn’t it better if you tell me what you’re thinking instead of staring into space again? I don’t like to have my time wasted.” he said, only mildly reproaching.

Kei blushed, jumping up and bowing, apologizing.

“I'm sorry, professor.” he murmured. “But there’s... well, it’s a feeling, really. It happens when we’re in class, I...”

What could he say that didn’t seem too inappropriate?

How could he explain how he felt whenever they were in the same room?

Yabu looked like one who saw the big picture, as if he was aware of what his student wanted to say, and especially why he was having a hard time saying it.

He put a hand on his shoulder and smiled, this time without any sign of mockery.

“Kei...” he murmured, and the other hated himself for how much he liked his name said by that voice. “You don’t have to worry, tell me what you’re thinking. I'm sure it’s nothing we can't work out.”

The younger swallowed with some difficulty and then nodded.

“I have the feeling you’re hiding something, professor.” he said in one breath.

He got surprised himself at his words.

Because until now he had been convinced of being victim to Yabu’s charm, to have a fleeting crush, but his mind must’ve analysed clues without him being aware of it, and have come to this conclusion.

The teacher, on his part, wasn’t less surprised by the statement.

If before he had seemed to be sitting on his confidence, now he looked bewildered, perhaps disgusted by what the other had said.

And the coldness in his eyes once again scared Kei, and once again it attracted him.

“Our conversation is over, Inoo-san.” he murmured, and went back sitting, turning the chair so that he wasn’t looking at him.

Kei didn’t add anything else.

Taking away his frustration for his failure, and still the desire to know what was there to be discovered about Yabu, he bowed and left the room.

He was annoyed, but on the other hand he had one certainty now.

The professor hadn't given him an answer.

Which could've only meant he had been right about him.

 

~

 

From that day in Yabu’s office, Kei had noticed a drastic change in the teacher’s attitude.

And this time he wasn’t imagining things, it was more than obvious how different things were between them.

During class he didn’t look at him anymore and he didn’t smile, he just spoke with less emphasis than usual, running away as soon as he was done.

In the hallways Kei had tried to cross paths with him, but somehow the elder always managed to elude him.

What was it about him?

What was he hiding of so important to make him react like that when he had asked, and what had he been expecting from him instead?

The professor had shown interest in him, and even for that there must’ve been a reason.

Kei was starting to lose sleep because of these questions, and the signs were starting to show on his face.

He had weird dreams that he couldn’t remember in the morning, which left a veil of uneasiness that lasted all day long.

He saw his friends getting more and more concerned, and from time to time it seemed that they talked about him, save stopping when they saw him coming, but they still hadn't said a thing to him.

At least, until Daiki ran out of patience.

It was Sunday morning, and Kei had woken up early, even though ‘waking up’ was a euphemism, since he had slept a couple of hours tops.

He had been surprised to find Arioka sitting at the kitchen table, absorbedly stirring his coffee.

“’morning.” he muttered, heading toward the stove to make coffee for himself as well.

He had hoped the other was going to ignore him, but he didn’t get so lucky.

“We need to talk, Kei.” the younger said, getting up and next to him, staring at him with a grave look on his face.

Inoo grimaced and surrendered even before he could think about any excuse.

He knew that moment was going to come, after all.

“Dai-chan, I know already what you’re going to say to me. Why don’t we pretend you’ve said that, I tell you that I understand and that I’ll do my best to change things, so that we can avoid an argument which wouldn’t lead us anywhere?” he said, unusually irritable.

Arioka arched an eyebrow, shaking his head.

“That’s exactly what I'm talking about, Kei. You’re nervous, you’re on edge, you’re...” he sighed, leaning against the counter and trying to meet his gaze, in vain. “How long has it been since you’ve last slept properly at night? How long since you’ve had a proper meal?” he questioned him, rhetorical. “I don’t want to preach, because I'm not your father, I'm just saying that you’ll get sick if you go on like this.” he paused, as if waiting for the other to reply, which didn’t happen. “It’s for Yabu-sensei, isn’t it? You’re like this since the damn day you’ve gone to his office. Then if this is because of him, go talk to him and try to get a grip, Kei, because I'm not willing to watch you wallow in apathy.” he finished, getting away. 

He was about to leave the room, taking his coffee with him, when the younger finally raised his eyes from the stove.

“Daiki?” he murmured, low.

“What?”  
Kei hesitated for a moment, licking his lower lip.

“Thanks.” he said in the end, and then the other left.

And he was really thankful. Not because he didn’t already know what he had told him, more because listening to it was different from repeating it to himself day after day, without finding the courage to react.

And perhaps he was also creating bigger issues than they actually were.

Perhaps... yes, Yabu had understood that there was something off about the interest he felt for him, and he had decided to keep his distance.

That must’ve been it, Kei was sure.

All he wanted now, was the professor to talk to him and to confirm it.

Then, finally, he would've gotten rid of that obsession.

 

~

 

If Kei had thought he had the slightest chance at being a good stalker, right now he had been forced to admit his uselessness.

At the end of class that day he had followed the professor to his office, waiting in an hidden corner for him to get out of there and head outside the faculty.

On the street he had had to be careful not to lose sight of him and at the same time avoid being seen, so it had been slightly more complicated than he would've thought.

When he had seen the teacher approaching a building and take his keys out he had smiled, confident he had finally found a way to corner him.

He knew that following him home was most likely over the top, but since the other kept stubbornly ignoring him, he hadn't found any other solution.

So he had let a few more minutes go by and had headed toward the front door, ready to ring some random intercom and make up an excuse to be let in; he was surprised, then, when he realized Yabu had left it open.

He had gotten in, hesitating, and once again his gut proved to be right.

He had barely had the time to realize what was going on that he had his arm pulled and he was thrown against a wall, getting hurt in the process.

“What the...” he started to say, but he shut up immediately.

Yabu stood in front of him, the look on his face almost evil and his hand still tight around his arm.

“I knew you were going to be a nuisance.” he hissed, talking more to himself than him.

Without adding anything else he dragged him to the elevator, getting to his floor and heading toward his apartment, opening the door and pushing him inside, irritated.

Kei was terrified.

If before the teacher creeped him out, if all he could get from him was a light shiver down his spine, now he felt drenched in pure fear.

It was something in his eyes. They were hateful, almost cruel, and as much as he told himself he would've understood his irritation, he couldn’t explain hatred in any possible way.

“I'm... I'm sorry, sensei, I just needed to talk to you and you’ve kept avoiding me during the past few days, so...” he bowed down, visibly blushing. “I'm sorry.” he repeated, and when he got up he started backing off toward the door, waiting for the best moment to get away.

But Yabu seemed to think otherwise; he got close to him again, forcing him against one of the living room walls, preventing him from escaping with his arms.

And if Kei found him again a few inches from his face, this time all the attraction he felt for him seemed to be overwhelmed by how afraid he was.

He was ready to beg, to implore him to let him go, when once again the elder surprised him.

He filled the short distance between them, he leant over him and pressed his lips on Inoo’s.

Kei felt his breath stop.

Thoughts on thoughts kept overlapping in his mind, and questions, while fear left room to confusion.

A few moments after he actually realized what was happening, and it was then that he decided to set everything aside and let go to that kiss; he tiptoed and opened his lips, searching for his mouth and meeting it, getting a blurred feeling of the professor’s hands on his hips, holding him tight, pulling him closer.

Kei started walking without realizing it, following the elder’s lead, and only then he started to rationalize.

He pulled away abruptly and took a step back, trying to recover his breath.

Yabu, in front of him, scoffed. But he smiled, that same aware smile he had had until Kei had gone talking to him.

And Kei knew that that smile was mocking him, but he couldn’t help liking it.

“What... why did you...” he said, stuttering, barely managing to look at him.

Yabu got close again, bringing his fingers under his chin and forcing him to raise his eyes.

“It’s what you want as well, isn’t it?” he murmured, leaning down and trying to kiss him again.

This time anyway, trying to keep his mind clear, Kei pulled away from his hold.

“Do you think it’s going to make me forget what I have to tell you?” he asked, arching an eyebrow, feeling more confident toward the teacher, almost pretending he had the upper hand.

Yabu sighed, brushing a hand over his face, exasperated.

“No, I don’t think it will. I’ve surrendered to the fact that you’re a pain in the arse.” he grabbed firmly from behind his back, letting their bodies press together, rocking slowly toward him. “I just thought we could've had a nice time together before you start your questioning.” he brought his mouth to his throat, kissing it slowly, running his tongue down a vein. “It’s what we both desire, Kei.”

And that was enough.

It was enough to know that he wanted this as well, it was enough to feel those lips on him, it was enough to feel that the elder was aroused already to know he wasn’t lying.

It was like he had truly surrendered, so Kei didn’t see why he shouldn’t have done the same.

He let him take his hand and slowly lead him toward the bedroom.

There the elder started kissing him again, bringing his hands behind his neck, keeping him close while Kei tried to hold on to his hips and shoulders, awkwardly trying to free him from his clothes.

Yabu laughed, grabbing his wrists in his hand and stopping him.

“Wait.” was all he said, taking his clothed off and doing the same with him, lingering for a while to look at his naked body, without laughing now, suddenly looking nervous.

“You’re... you’re so different from all the others.” he said then, hoarse, talking to himself. “I don’t remember to have ever felt so attracted by a human being before.”

Kei was tempted to blush, but he didn’t react to his comment.

He took the initiative instead, backing off toward the bed, laying on it in a clear hint for the other to join him.

And Kota didn’t need to hear it; kneeling on the edge of the bed, he put a hand on his leg, forcing them open so that he could settle between them.

Kei thought he was going to kiss him again, but Kota didn’t seem to be intentioned to. Propping himself up on an arm, he ran his free hand through his skin, tracing the bones which stood out the most, always looking for parts of his body he hadn't touched yet, almost if that was an experiment for him.

And Kei kept religiously quiet, letting him go on. He liked to feel those fingers on him, he liked the almost fascinated look on the elder’s face while he touched him.

It made him feel like he never had before, and he almost feel like his heart could burst any moment.

Only when Yabu seemed to have grown tired of it, his course of action took a straighter direction, and he traced back all those spots with his tongue, biting his neck, then his collarbone, lewdly licking around his nipple and then going down to his navel, fast, so much that it disoriented the younger.

It was when Kei felt the first finger press to get inside of him that he felt even more confused by the thousand feelings he was experiencing, almost as if it was the first time he felt that, as if he was the first man to ever touch him; and he had always laughed hearing stuff like that, but there truly was something different about Yabu, something making him stand out among all he had ever experienced up until now.

And he liked it, it was to die for.

The elder didn’t waste too much time preparing; after only a few minutes he brought a hand under his leg, raising it to his own shoulder, pushing against him and starting to thrust inside of him, slowly. And that slowness wasn’t due – at least Kei thought so – to any gentleness toward him, more to a desire to make him desperate to have something more, wanting for him to feel every inch it, making him want it, want _him_.

It was like he was looking for confirmation in his reactions, and Inoo didn’t disappoint him.

He moaned, loud, pushing against him, trying to fight against those hands keeping him still; he wanted it, he desperately did.

When in the end Kota bottomed out he screamed, more out of satisfaction than anything else.

But it didn’t last very long, and he nodded for him to start movement, and this time it was granted right away.

Kei couldn’t feel anything that wasn’t him.

It was like the rest of the room had disappeared, and everything that mattered was having Yabu inside of him, moving, feebly panting into his ear.

It was too much to even hope it could last.

The elder wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking it lightly but at a rapid pace, trying to prolong that feeling; but it still didn’t take Kei long before he spilled on his hand, almost screaming for how good he felt, holding tight onto the sheets with his fingernails and feeling he could've torn them for how intense the orgasm was.

He opened his time to see a shadow of gratification on Kota’s face, then the elder started thrusting again inside of him, and it didn’t take him long before coming as well, emptying himself inside that hot body which was completely at his mercy.

He pulled out delicately, in a late concern about not hurting him, laying down next to him and covering himself with the sheets, while Kei rolled on his side and stared at his face.

“It was...” he started to say, but the other didn’t let him finish.

“Best sex of your life?” he asked, arching an eyebrow, teasing.

But Kei could clearly see the difference with the earlier mocking, and he realized he kept doing that out of habit more than for an actual will to do so.

“I was about to say ‘unreal’, but if your option makes you feel better, let’s go with it.” he replied, with a smile.

They kept silent for a while, until the elder seemed to grow impatient and scoffed.

“Come on, I know you’re dying to conjecture. It’s time to tell me why you’ve played little stalker and followed me home.”

Kei shook his head, ironical.

“You were less caustic up to a few weeks ago, weren’t you?” he asked, feigning innocence.

Yabu brushed his fingers down his jaw, fascinated.

“I was sure I could've charmed you, before. But you’re tougher than I thought, Inoo Kei.” he pointed out, getting gloomier. “Many before you have asked a lot less questions.” he murmured, and it was a sentence that with the naturalness with which had been pronounced, managed to upset Kei.

“Who...” he started to ask, but then he seemed to change his mind.

He sat straight on the mattress, covering himself better and looking straight into his eyes, suddenly serious “What are you?” he asked then, with the same instinct which had led him to tell him there was something he was hiding.

It wasn’t natural.

His behaviour wasn’t natural, the way he had made him feel wasn’t natural, the way he approached other human beings wasn’t natural.

There was nothing natural in Yabu Kota, and speculating was useless now.

He knew already he wasn’t going to come up with anything.

“You know how they say, right? If I told you, then I’d have to kill you.”

Kei laughed at that, but he couldn’t help feeling uneasy again.

“I'm sure I can risk it, Kota.” he said, half-smiling, saying the other’s name almost shyly.

Yabu sighed, softly caressing his face.

“You don’t really want to know, Kei. I'm not joking when I say that... if I were to tell you then you couldn’t go on living.”

The younger didn’t understand.

He wanted to know, the price didn’t matter, consequences didn’t, nothing else did.

He felt the visceral need to know the truth hiding behind that man who had captivated him in a spell, from which he couldn’t wake up, nor he wanted to.

Kota kissed his lips again, almost afraid he wasn’t going to be able to do that anymore, and sighed.

“I'm a demon, Kei.”

 

~

 

Kei sat on the couch, staring into space.

In his mind, pieces of a conversation he couldn’t really believe he had had kept spiralling.

_“Like all those stories about Satan and stuff?”_

_“And stuff, right.”_

_“I don’t believe you.”_

_“You have a right to. But you’re the one who insisted to know what I was.”_

_“So... you’re actually telling me that...”_

_“You know all that story about killing and feeding off souls and play with men lives as if they were ants? Something like that.”_

Kei chuckled, on the verge of hysterics.

From the bedroom door Kota stared at him, most likely waiting for him to go bad any moment.

But Kei didn’t think he was about to.

Rationally he couldn’t believe it, but...

That same instinct which had led him to his home, the instinct which had haunted him those past few weeks, it believed Kota and what he had said, no matter how absurd it was.

“You were right, weren’t you?” he murmured in the end, finding strange the sound of his own voice. “Now that you told me I have to die.” he added, shaking his head.

By the corner of his eye he saw Yabu getting agitated, but when he spoke his voice was perfectly calm.

“Well, technically we should just do our job, bring home a few souls, spread some panic if we really feel inspired, and then leave without letting our presence stand out. For sure, not letting any human being know about our existence. It’s pretty simple, to tell the truth.” he explained, and Inoo had a feeling that his pragmatism was all for show.

But he didn’t want to deem himself so important to believe he was anxious about his fate.

How was it he had said?

Ants.

That’s all he was to him, after all.

An ant to play with and then crush.

“That body...” he murmured, hesitating.

“No, it’s not mine. It’s... let’s say borrowed.”

Kei didn’t want to investigate any further, because he already knew he wasn’t going to like the elder’s answers.

He stood up, reaching the door and finally looking at him.

He should've had enough dignity to say he saw him different now, but he couldn’t; what he had told him didn’t change the way he felt, didn’t change the desire he felt for him, didn’t change those days spent obsessing over him.

On the contrary, it made him feel better to know what he was hiding and the very same fact he had chosen to tell him, with all it implied.

He would've never thought he would've ended up in a situation like this.

He was ready to welcome his fate, ready as he had never been, and he didn’t care about what he was going to leave behind, only about what laid in front of him.

 _Who_ was in front of him.

If it had that face, death itself could become a nice perspective.

He kissed him again. Kota didn’t pull away from the kiss, he reciprocated willingly, holding him close as if he didn’t want to let him go, and Kei read in his gestures that it was like that, that he wasn’t at ease as he would've wanted him to believe. That between the two of them, Kei was the one accepting better what was going to happen.

“Do we still have some time?” the younger murmured, while the other chuckled.

“We got no one chasing after us, don’t worry.” he reassured him, before pulling him back inside the bedroom, lying on top of him on the bed, kissing and touching him.

He took him again and again, and they both tried their hardest not to succumb to tiredness, aware of what was going to happen once they would've done that.

Kei burned in his mind the feeling of those hands, vaguely cold, on his scorching hot skin.

That was the last thing he ever wanted to feel.

 

~

 

When he opened his eyes, he got surprised by that simple, natural gesture.

He wasn’t expecting he was going to do that again.

When he had collapsed against the mattress, exhausted, he knew what was coming for him.

Then he had held on to Yabu’s body and had forced himself to fall asleep, hoping the elder was going to kill him in his sleep.

He was still in that bed, but there was no trace of Kota.

Hesitatingly, he got up and started wandering through the apartment, calling his name, low at first, then louder and louder.

He felt his breath grow faster while he started to panic.

It was only when he reached the kitchen that he understood.

There was a torn piece of paper on the table, Kota’s elegant and definite handwriting on it.

Kei took it and read it.

And then he collapsed on the floor, as if his legs couldn’t bear his weight anymore.

_No one cries for the wicked._

And for the last time, Kei didn’t listen to him.

 

~

 

Days had gone by.

Weeks, perhaps.

Or even something more, Kei couldn’t tell time too well.

He had been a while in that apartment, as if waiting for Kota to return, knowing it was never going to happen.

He had found the courage to leave only when he had seen on the news that an unidentified body had been found nearby, and then he had realized it was truly over.

He always wondered where he was and what he was doing, and which body he lived inside and if he would've recognized him if he had met him by chance.

The scar still hurt, but he had tried to clench his teeth and go on, because if Yabu had gone through so much to let him live his life, it didn’t seem fair of him to waste it like that.

Daiki, Yuya and the others had realized that there was something wrong, and they had had a pretty decent idea as to what it was when the dean had communicated that there was going to be a new teacher of History of Western Thought.

Kei wasn’t giving any explanation – he couldn’t, really – but somehow it amused him to think about what they could speculate, sure that no matter how vivid their imagination was, it could never go even close to the truth.

That day at lunch, after he and Daiki had been to the new professor’s class, the younger brought up the subject.

“It’s not really the same, is it, Kei-chan?” he asked, cautious, arching an eyebrow.

Inoo saw also Yuya, Ryosuke and Yuri looking at him and he smiled at whatever expectation they had about his reaction.

“Of Yabu-sensei, you mean? No, it’s not the same. But I think the new one’s competent enough. It wasn’t such a bad class.” he replied, forcing himself to smile.

Arioka stared doubtfully at him, then he shrugged and went back eating.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Kei-chan?” Yuya asked instead, looking so grave that the younger felt like laughing.

He nodded, vigorously.

“I’m great, Yuuyan. Thanks.”

It wasn’t true, he wasn’t okay.

He was still thinking about Yabu, constantly, but they weren’t obsessive thoughts like the ones he had had before, and that was enough to make him feel better.

They were pleasant. They were memories he wanted to keep forever, and perhaps that was the reason why he kept recalling them to his mind.

And he also liked to hear others talk about him, wondering where he had ended up or why he had left without giving any explanation.

He liked to hear his name, because it meant that he had been real, that he hadn't made him up, that what he had lived that day had been real, even though it had lasted so little.

_No one cries for the wicked._

Kei hadn't minded his last words and had cried, a lot, he had cried all the tears he had.

But now that he could smile again, he was weirdly happy for the fact that Kota had chosen to keep him alive.

He knew he was still there, somewhere.

And even though he didn’t know where he was or if he was ever going to meet him again, the mere thought that they were in this world together, was enough to make him feel a little less alone.


End file.
